The crossroads of change…

Let’s imagine for a moment that you’ve found yourself at a crossroads.

These crossroads are triggered by a number of life events:

  • Perhaps your last child has left the nest and you’re wondering “Now what?”.
  • You’re suddenly single, either due to divorce or the loss of a spouse, and find you have this big gaping hole in your life.
  • Perhaps you’re approaching your 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond and you’re feeling this “gnawing sensation” to do something else with your life, but you don’t know what.
  • Maybe you’re sick and tired of having the same goals show up on your list year after year to the point that they’re no longer inspiring and have lost their meaning.
  • Or, maybe it’s just been a gradual discontent that has been bubbling beneath the surface and it’s all of a sudden come to a head.

Whatever the cause or trigger, the result is the same.


It all starts with you. It starts with reconnecting with who you are and with what gives you joy.

See if any of the following comments I’ve heard from clients in the last couple weeks alone resonate for you:

“I know there are common threads that run through my life but I don’t know what those threads are and I don’t even know how to begin to figure them out.”

“I think I’ve had a level of discontent for a very long time; it wasn’t until my accident that I all of a sudden realized I had to do something about it.”

“I don’t know what I feel. I can’t even tell you what it is that makes me happy anymore.”

It takes courage to have conversations like these with yourself. You might find you haven’t been all that honest with yourself. Or that you have put everyone else’s needs above your own for far too long. Or that you’ve become so disconnected from yourself that you don’t really know who you are anymore.

That kind of acknowledgment stings. It stings badly. But trust me when I tell you, if you’re feeling any of the emotions I’ve discussed above, they aren’t going away.

This is your spirit talking to you. It is crying out for you to acknowledge who you are, who you came here to be, and to be fully expressed.

I’ve spent almost 20 years in this arena and I’ve developed a whole program for working through this stuff. I’ll be revealing more on that later.

There are 3 main steps proven to create long-lasting change.

The 1st Step to Creating Long-Lasting Change – Review, Acknowledge, Accept and Release

I know, that sounds more like four steps, but it is in fact a 4-in-1 process.

It’s important to review your life path, acknowledge what went well and what didn’t, accept (AND celebrate), and then release it so you can move forward in a powerful way. When you skip this part, it bleeds over into the next phase you undertake for yourself. So don’t.

This is not the time for beating yourself up for not doing it sooner. It’s not a time for the woulda-coulda-shoulda. You can’t undo the past. And you don’t know what the future holds. But you do have the present moment. And you have a choice. You have a choice to make the most of this moment in time. You have that choice in every moment.

That my friend is your only responsibility to yourself.

There’s a number of ways you can release the past. One of my favorites, and of many of my clients, is to do a little ceremony.

Two-Part Release Process


Here’s what you’ll need: Some sheets of paper (you’re probably going to need more than one, right?), an hour or more of some quiet time, and some sort of safe fire bowl, BBQ, fire pit or fireplace.

  • Find a quiet space where you won’t be disturbed. This is an important step. If you can’t do it at home, take a drive in the car, go to the beach, someplace where you can be alone for an hour or so. No excuses allowed here. Give yourself permission to do this. This is your LIFE we’re talking about.
  • You might like to start your process with a meditation, lighting a candle, some yoga, something to set the stage for this sacred process you’re about to embark on.
  • Now take the paper and do some stream of thought writing where you write out all your frustrations, disappointments, fears, anything else that comes to mind and get it out on the page. Write and write until it feels like you’ve exhausted every leftover feeling that no longer supports you.
  • Oh, and if you feel the need to cry, then cry!!! Let it go. Please, please don’t hold all that stuff in.
  • Then take the paper and burn it either in your fireplace, fire pit, barbecue or some other safe space.
    As it burns imagine all of your fears and frustrations and the feelings on the page(s) being evaporated along with the smoke and embers


WHEW! Doesn’t that feel good?!


Whenever you release something, it’s important to fill that space with something good and it’s an integral element of the program I’ve created.

At the end of your ceremony take some time to record some things you are grateful for. Depending on your life circumstances, you may have to dig really deep. They may be simple things like the fact that you can walk on your own two feet, or that you have two eyes to see the setting sunset, two ears to hear the voice of your beloved, or a nose to smell the fresh, salty sea air or the scent of a rose.

In my next post I will discuss the 2nd Step to Creating Long-Lasting Change. This step is probably one of the most-overlooked in many other programs on goal-setting.

Oh, and I’d love it if you’d use the share buttons below to share your thoughts on this subject. I’d love to hear how this is landing for you, what works and of course any questions you may have on the subject.

Until then, honor and respect who you are on this journey. There truly is only one you.






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Debra W. Guttas, Mid-Life Transition Doula™, HTP

“Are you in a mid-life transition? I provide emotional, mental and spiritual support in the ‘birthing’ of your new life path.”

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Debra Guttas is Author of the forthcoming book “Personal & Business Success through the 7 Gateways – Spiritual & Practical Tools for Crafting Your Life from the Inside Out”

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