Life-defining moments

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day who is grieving the ending of a relationship. It’s a particularly painful ending for him as he was really in love with her and she was perfect for him in virtually every way but one: they were deeply divided over their views and beliefs around spirituality and religion. As painful as they are, relationships or experiences such as these serve to help you further define for yourself what’s important to you, what you value and what you want your life to look like. If you choose to ignore them, it’s kind of like painting over a moldy stain on the wall. No matter how many coats of paint you apply, the stain reappears. Yes, you could put a coat of primer over the top of it, but would the stain still be there underneath? In the same way, when you try to overlook what’s true for you, you might not see it, but it would still be there underneath the surface eroding away at your sense of authenticity, your integrity, your happiness and your well-being. If on the other hand you choose to embrace these experiences as the defining moments that they are, you can become a more clear and focused magnet for what you want to attract into your life. In the future, you will more readily recognize and resonate with what is and is not a great fit for you. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a relationship, a career or an opportunity. The same rule applies. Bottom line, you just won’t waste time on stuff that...

Do you have a feeling that something’s missing in your life?

Do you have that gnawing sensation? You know, that feeling that something’s missing in your life? If not, if your life is dandy, then you can delete this message. If on the other hand I’ve struck a chord, then read on. I hear that complaint a lot from new clients. It’s the most common one I hear, although it comes in a few different versions: “I feel like something’s missing.”   “I feel lost.”   “I’m feeling stuck.” Just yesterday I had a conversation with a new client who’s a stay-at-home working mom. She wants to be there for her children, but has the feeling that something’s missing for her, and it’s a feeling that’s been going on for years. These feelings are usually, but not always, precipitated by either a life trauma or some sort of life transition. I’ve felt it at least twice that I can think of: The first time was about 20 years ago when I had grown disconnected from my work in the tech field and was feeling like there was something else I was “supposed” to be doing other than improving people’s lives through technology. That led me into my work as a career coach. Later, after more than a decade as a career coach, I once again felt that I was being prompted to do something more. That led me into my work as a healer. I used to beat myself up because I had a pattern of moving and changing focus about every 10 years. What I know now is that each transition was part of my own evolvement. It’s what brought...

Time-out for YOU!

I just got back from a pretty awesome vacation in Mexico with my Mom and husband, David. I saw recently where something like 97% of the population works while on vacation, by at the very least, reading and responding to email. What’s up with that?! Now, I have to admit, I did take my laptop. Frequently, about day 4 or 5 of a vacation I get a creative urge; something about getting away from my environment that sparks my juices. I’m in the middle of a big project right now and I thought if I did get creative, I could capitalize on that creativity and knock out a bunch of writing that needed to be done. Well, I didn’t get that creative urge and I had no desire to pull out my laptop. However, I found myself waiting for that creative urge to arrive because, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could go home with a whole bunch of writing done?! One less thing on my to-do list!” The Difference Between Men & Women I see this frequently, particularly with my women clients. We have a harder time giving ourselves permission to really immerse ourselves in the juicy parts of our lives. When we do succeed in scheduling time for ourselves, even if it’s just to get a pedicure or a massage, there’s usually a part of us that feels we “should” be doing something else. Sound familiar? As a woman, your natural caretaking tendency just compounds the problem and makes it real easy for you to take care of everyone but yourself. It can also make it harder...

Want more freedom?

My husband, David (and Harley), and I just returned from a mini vacation camping on the lake. You meet some interesting people camping; most of them very like-minded in their approach to life. I think it works that way with most hobbies; each attracting a certain kind of individual. On the last night of our trip we found ourselves parked next to a couple who were celebrating their 33rd wedding anniversary. In chatting with them we discovered that they were also self-employed. He’s a plumber and they’ve built what sounds like a pretty successful commercial plumbing business. They lamented at how infrequently they are able to use their motorhome, because they are so busy. They went on to say that he had recently had a heart attack, has diabetes, and takes no less than 17 medications on a daily basis. He’s only 52. I suggested that perhaps it was time they hire someone to groom to take over as a successor so they didn’t have to work so hard. He replied “I birthed them” meaning they have two sons (both over 30) as possible successors, and yet, he had all kinds of reasons why he couldn’t groom either one of them at this point in time. I sat there in a little bit of a state of shock. Usually, when someone has a life event like a heart attack, it causes them to stop and reevaluate their life and what’s really important. Here were two people who were literally working themselves to death and still not willing to revaluate how they were living their life. At the end of...