by Debra | Jan 8, 2016 | Goals
Are you part of the 1%? Does all this talk about resolutions and goals leave you feeling all tied up in knots? In a research study conducted by Dr. David Kohl, professor emeritus at Virginia Tech: 80% of Americans claim that they don’t have goals 16% of them have goals, but they don’t write them down Only 3% actually have written goals, but they don’t review them regularly Only 1% have written goals and review them regularly, and these are among the highest achievers in the US The conclusion would be that if you write down your goals AND you review them often that you have a pretty good chance of achieving them. But I think there’s one more very crucial piece. If you’re among the 80% of those who don’t write them down or maybe you do but feel they don’t really work for you, it might be because your goals don’t have a soul. Yes, a soul. In my experience in order to accomplish anything you set your sights on, there has to be some emotion connected to it; it absolutely must be inspiring in some way. For most people, their goals are something that originated from a place of “I have to (lose 10 pounds or exercise more or….)” or “I need to ___”. What happens is that it you end up with something that you don’t really want to do and it’s just one more item on your “To Do” list. Now I know that we all have things that we “need” or “should” do. But what I’m saying is that you need to go...
by Debra | Dec 1, 2015 | change
{Affirmation} “I love myself and the world around me. I accept myself for who I am. I am enough.” Twenty-six years ago today I met a man for lunch at my favorite Japanese restaurant in Sacramento, Aomi’s. His name was David. It was a blind date, of sorts. It all started about five months earlier on a hot summer July evening, with me enjoying a Friday night Happy Hour with some friends from work. I had spotted him across the crowded restaurant. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. He walked in and out of the restaurant a couple of times, as if he was searching for someone. I felt a strange combination of disappointment, relief and excitement as I saw him leave the restaurant later with yet another coworker of mine. “Just as well.” I thought. My heart was still bleeding from the recent breakup of yet one more dysfunctional relationship. The last thing I wanted, or needed, was another man in my life. Now here he sat, 5 months later, sweating bullets to the point that I thought there might be something wrong with him! A few days before our lunch I had asked my coworker “So, whatever happened with you and that guy at the restaurant?” “Oh, he wasn’t my type. Why, would you like his number?” “Do you still have it?!” I replied, both amused and bewildered. “Yeah, I think I have it in here somewhere” she said as she shuffled around in the middle drawer of her desk. Out of the collection of pens and pencils and other assorted desk drawer items emerged...
by Debra | Nov 24, 2015 | gratitude
{Affirmation} “I feel an abundance of gratitude for everything I have and receive in my life every day.” I’d like to take a moment to both express my gratitude to you and to offer you a gift. First my gratitude. I don’t take for granted that you’re here, reading this BLOG, at this moment in time. Every moment you have is precious. And so for me it is truly an honor that you are part of my tribe; that I have been given the gift of the opportunity to share with you, and learn from you. For as we work together, I too grow exponentially! My gift to you is two-fold. First, the above affirmation is an invitation to stop for a moment and find something you can be grateful for, even if because of hardship or illness it means you have to dig really deep to find it. If that’s you, I get it. I’ve been there. We all go through periods where it can be really hard to find something for which to be grateful. Whenever I reach that point I remind myself how lucky I am that I can: Dance to my favorite songs on my own two feet. That I can take deep breaths and smell the salty sea air. That I can feel the soft fur of my dog Harley between my fingertips. Or that I can hear the music that soothes my soul. What one thing can you be grateful for today? Second, make your own “{embrace} Gratitude” Essential Oil Blend Here’s a recipe to make up your own Gratitude blend. Choose...
by Debra | Nov 11, 2015 | Goals
3 Reasons to Start Your 2016 Vision Board Now vs. Later (and 3 Easy Steps to Get You Started) Last year I blocked off a whole week between Christmas and New Years to do my vision planning for 2015. I even rendezvoused away from home along the coast in our motorhome. I packed all of my tools: my visioning processes, lots of blank paper, my calendar, and a bunch of creative tools including some colored pens and pencils and some canvas to get my creative juices going. I thought I was being smart! I was getting out of my home environment and blocking time out on my calendar to take care of this most important process. What happened? Getting out my creative tools to do some drawing and painting was easy. But my planning tools on the other hand, stayed in the carrying bag I brought them in. For days. Every day I’d tell myself “Okay, today’s the day. Today I’m going to do my planning.” I’d get out my tools, lay them out on the table and stare at them blankly, my mind a fog. Nothing. Nada. So, I would return to my drawing and painting! Then I’d feel guilty with thoughts running through my head. “I only have a couple of days left.” “I really should be doing my planning.” “I’m losing precious time. It’s almost the first of the year and I have nothing.” Can you relate?! Come on, be honest. I promise not to tell! Three reasons to start your 2016 planning now 1) The holidays turn your brain to mush! I’m serious! Maybe it’s...
by Debra | Nov 3, 2015 | meditation
Remember coloring in coloring books when you were a child? Have you ever considered them as a form of meditation? According to the Cambridge Dictionary, meditation is “the act of giving your attention to only one thing, either as a religious activity or as a way of becoming calm and relaxed”. So doesn’t that imply that meditation can come in many forms? In my view, yes. I find in my work with clients that for some, at least initially, the traditional form of meditation is challenging for them at best. Upon exploration I learn that for some gardening, painting, playing the piano, journaling, knitting, virtually any act that allows your mind to focus on something so deeply that the rest of the world, and the thoughts that go along with it release, are in themselves meditative. Imagine my surprise when I read about coloring in an article in Psychologies: ”Concentrating this way replaces negative thoughts and creates a state of peace, and many people who have a difficult time with concentrative meditation can find this easier. This gentle activity where you choose the colours to create your picture and the repetitive action of colouring it in focuses the brain on the present, blocking out any intrusive thoughts.” So I thought, “What the heck! I’ll try it!” Since learning about this I’ve not only been trying it myself, but I’ve recommended it to a few of my clients, several with ADHD or other anxiety-related disorders – with surprising results! All of them so far have reported back that they find the practice not only fun, but have noticed an increase...
by Debra | Oct 14, 2015 | happiness
I was having a conversation with a friend the other day who is grieving the ending of a relationship. It’s a particularly painful ending for him as he was really in love with her and she was perfect for him in virtually every way but one: they were deeply divided over their views and beliefs around spirituality and religion. As painful as they are, relationships or experiences such as these serve to help you further define for yourself what’s important to you, what you value and what you want your life to look like. If you choose to ignore them, it’s kind of like painting over a moldy stain on the wall. No matter how many coats of paint you apply, the stain reappears. Yes, you could put a coat of primer over the top of it, but would the stain still be there underneath? In the same way, when you try to overlook what’s true for you, you might not see it, but it would still be there underneath the surface eroding away at your sense of authenticity, your integrity, your happiness and your well-being. If on the other hand you choose to embrace these experiences as the defining moments that they are, you can become a more clear and focused magnet for what you want to attract into your life. In the future, you will more readily recognize and resonate with what is and is not a great fit for you. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a relationship, a career or an opportunity. The same rule applies. Bottom line, you just won’t waste time on stuff that...
by Debra | Oct 13, 2015 | happiness
Do you have that gnawing sensation? You know, that feeling that something’s missing in your life? If not, if your life is dandy, then you can delete this message. If on the other hand I’ve struck a chord, then read on. I hear that complaint a lot from new clients. It’s the most common one I hear, although it comes in a few different versions: “I feel like something’s missing.” “I feel lost.” “I’m feeling stuck.” Just yesterday I had a conversation with a new client who’s a stay-at-home working mom. She wants to be there for her children, but has the feeling that something’s missing for her, and it’s a feeling that’s been going on for years. These feelings are usually, but not always, precipitated by either a life trauma or some sort of life transition. I’ve felt it at least twice that I can think of: The first time was about 20 years ago when I had grown disconnected from my work in the tech field and was feeling like there was something else I was “supposed” to be doing other than improving people’s lives through technology. That led me into my work as a career coach. Later, after more than a decade as a career coach, I once again felt that I was being prompted to do something more. That led me into my work as a healer. I used to beat myself up because I had a pattern of moving and changing focus about every 10 years. What I know now is that each transition was part of my own evolvement. It’s what brought...
by Debra | Aug 13, 2015 | breathwork
You’ve heard her voice, but probably didn’t know it. Her tones have been heard in over 98 commercials, including Disney, Blockbuster, Hard Rock Cafe, Betty Crocker, and Walmart! Her name is Teri Wilder and she is a master of music and meditation. Teri is on a mission to introduce Corporate America – and the rest of the world – to the power of gongs and songs that boost productivity and creativity. But she didn’t start out that way. As a singer and songwriter, Teri knew about the positive connection between music and lowering stress, but it wasn’t until 2013 that she added the ancient gong to her workshops and performances. Used for centuries as a meditative tool, its resonant sounds calm the frenetic monkey mind. In fact, a whopping 65% of people who “got gonged” reported being at least 75% more productive after the session than at any other point in the day. Now, that’s a Wilder benefit! She’s also recorded 4 CD’s of original music, all songs intentionally created to inspire and support a joyful life. Your FREE Gift! Teri is a speaker at our upcoming Transform & Thrive! retreat and she is graciously gifting you with a track from her “Mystical Gong Meditations” CD titled “Empowerment”. You’ll want to be sure and listen with a really good speaker system or with headphones so that you get the full effect of the gongs. You are in for a real treat! Consider using this as a brief interlude to your day to re-center, ground and connect with your spirit! Download it to your Smartphone or iPod so that you have...
by Debra | Aug 12, 2015 | breathwork
Stop. Pause with me, for just a moment. Notice your breath. Is it shallow? Fast? Slow and rhythmic? Over the course of a day, you take somewhere between 17,000 and 30,000 breaths. Each one of them supporting: the oxygen transfer to your brain, helping you to think more clearly; your lymphatic system, helping you to eliminate toxins; and your emotional well-being. The quality of breath you take effects your ability to think, feel, and take action in your life from a centered and grounded place. In my work as a practitioner, I so often have clients who have been prescribed anti-anxiety medications, often against their will. Many have this sense that the medications are interfering with their ability to feel. And in reality, they are. That is their main prescribed purpose – to numb so that one doesn’t feel their emotions quite so intensely and supposedly support their ability to function better in the world. But there is a better way and it starts with your breath. When you are under stress your body goes into an automatic, biological state called “Flight or Fight”. That state heightens and awakens your senses, increases your breath and triggers chemicals to be released in your body that allow you to act quickly, as if you were being chased by a tiger! The only thing is, you’re not being chased by a tiger, you’re simply trying to cope with your day to day stress. Here’s a simple test of the quality of your breathing, right now in this moment. Place your right hand on your lower belly below the belly button and your left hand...
by Debra | Jun 23, 2015 | healing
Sound is a vibrational energy that is received not only by the ears, but also penetrates the body and imprints us on a cellular level. Throughout history, various instruments have been used for providing sound in healing, such as: the flute, harp, chimes, gongs, drums, Tibetan singing bowls and Crystal Singing Bowls. We are so richly blessed to have Elivia Melodey as our first presenter at Transform & Thrive! She, and the magic of her bowls, will set the tone for this very enriching day. Reverend Elivia has established herself as a noted recording artist through Crystal Vibrations Music. Acclaim over her music is being credited as the, “Birth of an entirely new genre of healing music.” Together with her playing partners in the Crystal Vibrations Music Ensemble, she performs concerts throughout the United States. Her instrument collection continues to grow, but includes: over 26 Singing crystal bowls, a Celtic harp, zither, Native American flutes, gongs, rattles, drums, chimes and even a steel drum. Here’s some of what Elivia has to say about this wonderful healing art: “Vibrational sound healing can be traced back from the present day trends to many ancient civilizations including India, Africa, Europe, and the Orient. Each culture had unique approaches specific to their region and beliefs. Vibrational sound touches our bodies on a molecular and crystalline level. The body is a network of vibration fields and energy currents and each individual resonates at his or her own vibration. Sound is an acoustical wave, while color is an electromagnetic wave. The colors of the rainbow correspond to a specific musical note in the same way...
by Debra | Jun 20, 2015 | 2015
The Summer Solstice is Sunday, June 21 at 10:37 AM Mountain Daylight Time. (MDT) For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, the Summer Solstice usually occurs around June 21st. I say “usually” because our calendar doesn’t follow the earth’s rotation exactly, so it can shift. In my research I came across an article 15 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About the Summer Solstice. Among them: The Pagans celebrate the solstice with symbols of fire and water. In Paganism and Wicca, Midsummer is celebrated with a festival known as Litha. In ancient Europe, the festival involved rolling giant wheels lit on fire into bodies of water to symbolize the balance between fire and water. Water is yin/feminine in character, its energy is downward and its motion is stillness and conserving. Water is also the element of stillness and rest, taking time to rest and rejuvenate yourself. It is in the Water element that all great innovations and ideas are birthed. Fire is yang/masculine in character, its direction is upward and its energy is expansive. Fire is the Element responsible for the passionate resonance when you are following your life’s calling. The ancient Chinese honored the yin on the solstice. In ancient China, the summer solstice was the yin to the winter solstice’s yang—literally. Throughout the year, the Chinese believed, the powers of yin and yang waxed and waned in reverse proportion to each other. At the summer solstice, the influence of yang was at its height, but the celebration centered on the impending switch to yin. At the winter solstice, the opposite switch was honored. The name comes from the fact that...
by Debra | Jun 10, 2015 | Goals
Does it ever feel like managing everything in your life, your To-Do list, is kind of like tapping your head with one hand and rubbing your stomach with the other at the same time?! Do you find yourself looking at your task list at the end of the day, realizing that it has grown instead of shrunk, and say to yourself “Man, I need some better time management!”? Here are some symptoms of when your mind / body / spirit are in a state of overwhelm: You find yourself staring at the computer reading the same sentence or paragraph over and over because you didn’t comprehend it the first time. You can’t seem to do the one thing you most really needed to do today. The same uncompleted tasks roll from one day to the next. All of this can leave you feeling discouraged, doubting your ability to manage your time, completely overwhelmed, oh, and the guilt, don’t even get me started on that one! I was in a session with a client yesterday and she was telling me how she had been at a retreat all last week and how at the end of the week she thought to herself “I’m just going to take the whole week off next week.” That thought was immediately followed by, “I can’t take next week off! I’ve been off all week this week and I have too much work to do!” Ever been there? I know I have! Now, perhaps you could use some tools to better manage your time. Here are some steps you can take to better discern for...
by Debra | May 7, 2015 | energy
Over the weekend my husband, David, and I spent a day revitalizing our back yard patio. The green mildew and mold on the concrete and area rug, combined with rattan furniture that was weather-beaten from the hot sun, had become more than I could tolerate any longer. It was no longer a place where I wanted to spend any amount of time. Every time I looked out the window or walked out there I could feel the life force draining out of my body. It was so disgusting. I knew it was going to be a big project and therefore I had been putting it off. It took hours of hard scrubbing and even the steam cleaner to remove all the green and black gunk. It is once again a place of peace, relaxation, and rejuvenation. This week I also finally got around to assembling a bookcase in my office. I bought it weeks ago but hadn’t put it together. Meanwhile the stack of files had remained on the floor behind my desk, once again cluttering my space and draining me energetically. Tackling both of these projects this week has had a huge impact on my energy level and even my mental clarity. It’s amazing how much this kind of stuff forms what we call “energy leaks”. In simple terms, they are areas of your life that literally can suck the life right out of you. They are things like: a squeaky door a car that isn’t running right, a toxic relationship with someone that leaves you feeling drained every time you’re around them, and other things you are...
by Debra | Apr 29, 2015 | Awareness
I’ve heard it said, (with a little Southern drawl), “You can’t fix it if you don’t know it’s broke.” And so it is with awareness. Often, it’s not until you have the contrast that you become aware. For example, imagine for a moment that it’s Friday and you’ve had a high-stress week, with appointments back-to-back, very full days, and each night you’ve collapsed into bed, exhausted. Now, fast forward and imagine it’s Saturday and you’ve just emerged from a luxurious full-body massage, complete with hot stones and aromatic essential oils. How are you feeling now? What do your shoulders, head and neck feel like as compared to before the massage? Different, huh?! I can remember years ago my massage therapist would coach me during our sessions. He’d say “Relax your shoulders, Debra.” “I am” I’d reply. “No, you’re not. They’re up around your ears!” An hour later I’d saunter into the lobby, like a wet noodle. “Ohhhhhh, now I get it! So that’s how my shoulders are supposed to feel!” Sometimes you don’t realize how far off track you’ve gotten. My own awareness was raised when earlier this month I decided to try a new way of eating – the “Eat for Your Blood Type Diet”. I didn’t do it primarily to lose weight (although that would be a nice side benefit!) but more to see if I’d notice a difference in the way I felt, especially in my energy level and afternoon “brain fog”. I was also curious to see if my “belly bloat” would diminish. I have noticed a shift lately and have attributed it to getting...
by Debra | Jan 27, 2015 | Abundance
Are you waiting for the abundance in your life to show up before you start living the life of your dreams? Do you find yourself saying “As soon as I have money I will _____?” “As soon as my business gets to certain point I will ____?” I think we often equate abundance and prosperity to having a certain level of money to buy the trips and home and other material things we want in life. But when you really stop and think about it, is that really what abundance and prosperity mean to you? Often when I talk to clients about this, what they’re really looking for is more time to spend with family, time to do the things that they want to do, the ability to explore new experiences, a certain level of freedom and independence and other kinds of feelings of well-being. When you distill it all down, it’s a certain lifestyle and the feelings that go along with it that we seek. I’d like to prompt you to stop and think for a moment, what are some things you could be doing right now that would generate those feelings for you? I know for me personally, being able to take the afternoon off to spend the day with my mom feels very luxurious to me. Or having lunch in the middle of the week with a friend. Or taking a yoga class in the middle of the day. Or taking off and going for a walk on the beach mid-week when there are no crowds. Or going camping in the middle of the week with...
by Debra | Jan 23, 2015 | Focus
What’s your vision for 2015? You’ve probably set some intentions or resolutions or goals. But what’s your overriding theme for the year? Last year, for the first time, I decided it would be fun to pick a single word as my theme for the entire year — something that would envelope all of my goals and intentions for myself both personally and professionally. I settled on the word “expansion”. That felt really big to me and had a lot of energy behind it when I thought about it. I just “knew” that big changes were ahead of me. WHEW! I couldn’t have been more on target! Last year really was a big year. I hosted my first global speaker summit, the largest and most growth-expanding project I’ve ever undertaken in my business. Hosting a summit challenged my confidence in approaching well-known speakers and authors, my organization, my delegating (could have done better in that area, I’ll admit), my energy and stamina, my technology skills and my ability to maintain balance in my life (could’ve done better in that area as well, just ask my husband!), and SO MUCH MORE. On a personal level, in great part due to the above, I grew exponentially as well. You just don’t take on a project of that magnitude without making some giant leaps internally. The power of that kind of focus is immeasurable. It gives you a quick and easy way to make decisions, even without having to go back and revisit your goals. If it doesn’t fit in with your theme, you just don’t give it much thought. You can immediately...
by Debra | Jan 13, 2015 | Goals
During my end of day review yesterday I started to feel a little panic come over me. My week had progressively gone from full to overload. More new clients coming in (a good thing!) had thrown my “plan” for the week. In reviewing all the things I had intended on doing I started to wonder how the heck I was going to work it all in. What I “should have done” in the moment is taken a few minutes to detail out the action steps needed for two projects I’m working on and have an honest conversation with myself about what was left on my task list for the week. But I didn’t do that. So what happened? I did it in my sleep – allllll night. My mind and subconscious went to work trying to sort it all out for me. (Thank you subconscious, I appreciate that!). Ever happen to you? When I woke today the first thing on my agenda was to get all that down on paper. As soon as I did that I realized that I had a lot of the pieces already, I just needed to pull them together. Getting it down on paper though allows your mind to let go of the process and release the angst and panic around it all. That end of day review is a powerful process, and a habit of mine, but you have to take it to the finish line. The whole idea is to review and track your progress and make adjustments if needed. Skip that step and you miss the whole point of the process...
by Debra | Dec 3, 2014 | purpose
One of the most common life challenges I hear from new clients is “I don’t know what my life purpose is” or “I’m not sure what I’m here to do”. It’s a frustrating place to be. I know. Believe it or not, I was there at one point. I’ve been there more than once, actually. “How can that be?” You might ask. “If you figured it out once, why would you ever have the question again?” Let me tell you. The first time I remember having the question was in my early 30’s. I remember seeing some rock star being interviewed, I think it was Bon Jovi, and he was talking about how all he ever wanted to do, from the time he was a child, was play music. I remember thinking, “Wow, how cool to know from a young age what you wanted to do with your life.” I don’t know about you, but when I was young there were a variety of things I thought I wanted to do and be when I grew up. It started out as a hair stylist (probably because my mom had a weekly visit to hers) and from there it was a surgical nurse; that is, until I saw the reality of what it was like to be in an operating room on some TV documentary, with all the blood and guts. That took care of that. I was making a very good living in the technology field. I was a contract software instructor. I worked when and how often I wanted, which for me was about 3 to 4 days...
by Debra | Aug 26, 2014 | happiness
I just got back from a pretty awesome vacation in Mexico with my Mom and husband, David. I saw recently where something like 97% of the population works while on vacation, by at the very least, reading and responding to email. What’s up with that?! Now, I have to admit, I did take my laptop. Frequently, about day 4 or 5 of a vacation I get a creative urge; something about getting away from my environment that sparks my juices. I’m in the middle of a big project right now and I thought if I did get creative, I could capitalize on that creativity and knock out a bunch of writing that needed to be done. Well, I didn’t get that creative urge and I had no desire to pull out my laptop. However, I found myself waiting for that creative urge to arrive because, “Wouldn’t it be great if I could go home with a whole bunch of writing done?! One less thing on my to-do list!” The Difference Between Men & Women I see this frequently, particularly with my women clients. We have a harder time giving ourselves permission to really immerse ourselves in the juicy parts of our lives. When we do succeed in scheduling time for ourselves, even if it’s just to get a pedicure or a massage, there’s usually a part of us that feels we “should” be doing something else. Sound familiar? As a woman, your natural caretaking tendency just compounds the problem and makes it real easy for you to take care of everyone but yourself. It can also make it harder...
by Debra | Jul 5, 2014 | happiness
My husband, David (and Harley), and I just returned from a mini vacation camping on the lake. You meet some interesting people camping; most of them very like-minded in their approach to life. I think it works that way with most hobbies; each attracting a certain kind of individual. On the last night of our trip we found ourselves parked next to a couple who were celebrating their 33rd wedding anniversary. In chatting with them we discovered that they were also self-employed. He’s a plumber and they’ve built what sounds like a pretty successful commercial plumbing business. They lamented at how infrequently they are able to use their motorhome, because they are so busy. They went on to say that he had recently had a heart attack, has diabetes, and takes no less than 17 medications on a daily basis. He’s only 52. I suggested that perhaps it was time they hire someone to groom to take over as a successor so they didn’t have to work so hard. He replied “I birthed them” meaning they have two sons (both over 30) as possible successors, and yet, he had all kinds of reasons why he couldn’t groom either one of them at this point in time. I sat there in a little bit of a state of shock. Usually, when someone has a life event like a heart attack, it causes them to stop and reevaluate their life and what’s really important. Here were two people who were literally working themselves to death and still not willing to revaluate how they were living their life. At the end of...
